i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
