If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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