You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
