id be glad to
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
