I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Pooping to opera.
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