chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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