so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
