In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
