Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
