my vag is so smooth its legendary
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
