It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
