Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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