I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
