my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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