well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We are all done wearing pants today
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
