apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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