if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
