Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
