his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
