remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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