Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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