I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
