barbara walters just said penis...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
