there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
