just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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