IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
