hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
