If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
