i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
