I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
