So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
