I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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