At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
