he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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