I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
