but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
