you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
