My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
