2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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