watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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