Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
