A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
