There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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