Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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