i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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