I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
