I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
