omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
