if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
