So drunk its hurt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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