Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
