Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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