I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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